Meet Susan Stiffelman, MFT

Susan Stiffelman is a licensed Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist with over 30 years of experience supporting thousands of families around the world.

She’s the author of Parenting Without Power Struggles and Parenting With Presence (an Eckhart Tolle Edition), and host of the popular Parenting Without Power Struggles podcast.

Susan helps parents step into the role of calm, confident Captain of the ship—navigating parenting challenges with clarity, confidence, and connection.

Her approach is grounded in attachment science and informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS), mindfulness, Polyvagal Theory, neuroscience, and the Work of Byron Katie.

Parents who work with Susan often feel more equipped to respond—not react—with compassion and steadiness, raising kids who are resilient, emotionally aware, and securely connected.

Three ways we can engage with our children:

As the calm, confident Captain of the ship
As the negotiating, argumentative Lawyer
As the intimidating, controlling Dictator

In the images below, the right hand represent the parent and the left hand represents the child.

In this image, the parent hand is above the child's, illustrating the parent in charge as the Captain of the ship.

When the hands are side by side, no one is in charge. This is where power struggles, negotiations, arguments and pushing/ pushing back take place. Susan calls this “The Two Lawyers.”

And when the left hand, representing the child is on top, the child is essentially running the household. The parent feels desperate and powerless, resorting to bribes and threats to try to regain a sense of control.