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Welcome back to the Parenting Without Power Struggles Podcast. Today we’re going to talk about something that parents often tell me they long for: emotional connection with their kids. Between work, school activities, homework, getting kids fed, bathed, and into bed, many parents feel like they spend more time saying, “Hurry up, brush your teeth, start your homework, get in the car,” than actually connecting. If you feel that way, you’re not alone. The good news is that nurturing closeness with your kids doesn’t have to mean big outings or hours of undivided attention. There are simple, small practices that can help deepen trust and connection, even in busy times.

I’m Susan Stiffelman, a marriage and family therapist and the author of Parenting Without Power Struggles and Parenting With Presence. I also host a large online parenting community with classes on chores, siblings, anxious kids, and homework, often joined by wonderful colleagues like Maggie Dent, Janet Lansbury, Byron Katie, Terry Real, Dan Siegel, and Tina Bryson.

We know that human beings are social creatures. Children are born profoundly dependent, and while they grow more independent over time, one constant is the need for emotional connection. That connection often gets lost in the daily grind, but it doesn’t take much to keep it alive. Think micro, not macro. A small moment—a genuine smile, a hand on the shoulder, or really listening to their story about something that happened at lunch—can make a big difference. These are emotional deposits into your child’s bank account.

One way to build connection is through a five-minute ritual. At the same time each day, set aside five minutes to be fully present. It might be snuggling before bed, playing a quick game, or a special hug and handshake before school. Predictable rituals give kids a sense of security. Another powerful tool is repair. Parents don’t have to be perfect. If you snap at your child or brush them off, circle back and say, “I was stressed earlier and didn’t listen well. Can we try again?” Repairing strengthens intimacy in ways that perfection never could.

You can also deepen connection by entering your child’s world. Ask them to show you a Lego creation, a drawing, a dance move, or a video that interests them. It tells them that what matters to them matters to you. This builds a sense of sameness and secure attachment.

Connection can also be woven into the start and end of the day. Begin with something light or playful, like a silly joke in the car, and close with a question like, “What was the best part of today?” or “What surprised you?” These bookends help children feel held by your presence.

When parents say they don’t have time, I encourage them to start small. Even thirty seconds of undivided attention is powerful. Kids remember how it feels to be seen and valued, not how many hours you log. As you go through your week, notice how many interactions are task-oriented and see if you can shift some of them toward genuine curiosity about who your child is. These small shifts can strengthen your relationship and fill your own cup as well.

No matter how busy life gets, look for those little moments of sweetness and joy. When you nurture closeness with your child, you’re also nurturing yourself. Stay well, take care, and I’ll see you next time.