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Welcome back to the Parenting Without Power Struggles Podcast. Today we’re going to talk about one of the big topics—one that interests me perhaps more than almost any other—and it may surprise you to hear that it’s really about working on ourselves.

I’m Susan Stiffelman, and I’m so glad you’re here. This is the Parenting Without Power Struggles podcast. If you’re not familiar with my work, please visit SusanStiffelman.com, where you’ll find more than 50 masterclasses with wonderful experts like Mona Delahooke, Dan Siegel, Tina Payne Bryson, Gabor Maté, Janet Lansbury, Byron Katie, Terry Real, and many others. We cover everything from raising sensitive children to getting homework done, and you can also sign up for my free newsletter filled with encouragement and inspiration.

About 25 years ago, I was at a friend's house and I picked up a book on her coffee table called The Highly Sensitive Person. I was intrigued by the title, so I opened it up—and at first I was really put off. They were talking about HSPs, HSPs, and I thought, “Ugh, not another three-letter something.” But I grabbed onto a paragraph or two, read it, and I honestly feel like I knew my life had changed because it explained characteristics that I had had all my life that I hadn’t understood. It normalized them and made me feel, just in that short reading, less ashamed—less like there was something wrong with me. I dove in, and it’s been a really valuable understanding that I’m grateful to have discovered.

This is the work of Dr. Elaine Aron. Today you’re going to hear me talking about highly sensitive kids—and, of course, it will apply to parents—with my friend and colleague, Dr. Judith Orloff. I’ve no doubt that some of you are going to be intrigued and find something of interest, whether it’s related to your children or other loved ones, because sensitive humans are a vital part of the population.

Meanwhile, you’ve arrived at the Parenting Without Power Struggles podcast. I’m your host, Susan Stiffelman. I’m a family therapist and educator, a parent, and I love sharing what I’ve learned in the 40-plus years that I’ve been working with thousands of families. If you visit my website, susanstiffelman.com, you’ll find all kinds of supportive material, including a free newsletter with tips, strategies, and inspiration.

Every month we do a master class—there are over 50 of them—with guests like Dr. Gabor Maté, Mona Delahooke, Byron Katie, Terry Real, Dan Siegel, and Tina Bryson. There’s a huge library on every topic under the sun. You’ll also find a link to a class I’m about to do with Dr. Judith Orloff, which is why you’re going to hear an excerpt of a conversation that we had just talking about the content and material. I hope it intrigues you—and if you have a child with big feelings and a tender heart that you’d like to understand better, please check out the class at susanstiffelman.com.

Here’s the conversation, and then we’ll circle back for the wrap-up.

Susan: Judith, the reason we’re here is that we’re doing a class together in a couple of days on sensitive kids—those empathic, tender-hearted kids. This idea was birthed because you just wrote a children’s book, and it inspired me to reach out and say, “Do you want to do a class?” I have so many parents in our community whose kids are deeply feeling. There’s the book—The Highly Sensitive Rabbit. So let’s just give people a taste of what we’ll talk about, starting with the question: What is sensitivity?

Judith: The term is often used in a negative way—“You’re too sensitive,” “Toughen up,” “Don’t cry.” I heard all of that growing up as a highly sensitive child. I was told to develop a thicker skin, that I’d never make it in the world, and I felt like I didn’t belong. One of the points I want to talk about in our class is identifying if that’s happening with ourselves or with our kids—and if it is, we need to address it, because it’s not true. Sensitivity can be a strength when you learn certain skills: setting boundaries, taking alone time, meditating, and talking to someone who “gets it.”

We’ll discuss practical situations—what to do as a mom, how to intervene, how to make things better.

Susan: One of the most popular topics I’ve ever covered is this one, because many children grow into adults who feel ashamed and embarrassed, as if there’s something wrong with them. One of the things I love about your work is the reframe: imagine a world without deeply feeling, empathic humans.

Judith: Exactly. Highly sensitive people need to learn how not to absorb the negative energy of the world—whether from classmates, parents, or others. They can learn to center themselves, “put the bubble up,” and protect their energy. Otherwise, they become agitated and uncomfortable and then act out. We’ll cover specific strategies: what to do when kids feel overwhelmed, how parents can regulate themselves, and what to do when everyone’s triggered. The goal is to make homes calmer and more nurturing for all.

Susan: Someone just wrote in that Judith is one of the most compassionate people I know. That word—compassion—really resonates. It’s about compassion for our children and for ourselves, whether we share their sensitivity or not.

Judith: Right. People are born with different temperaments. Not everyone has to be an extrovert who loves social gatherings. Some kids find big family events overwhelming, and that’s okay. When I was young, I found noisy gatherings to be torture—it wasn’t wrong; I just needed help learning how to manage it, and that’s what we’ll offer in this class.

Susan: I love that we’re realistic. We’re not suggesting anyone withdraw from life—but those of us who are sensitive need balance. When kids aren’t understood, we see behavioral issues. Often, challenging behavior is really a message: “Help me modulate the input of the world.”

Judith: Yes, and that’s why my new children’s book The Highly Sensitive Rabbit is so special. It helps kids—and parents—feel seen and soothed. I read it during story times, and both kids and adults find it calming. It’s really for everyone, including the inner child within each of us.

Susan: I love that. We can all nurture that inner child.

Judith: Exactly. I invite parents and non-parents alike to bring their inner child to the class. Learn to honor what your body and heart are telling you—whether that means limiting exposure to overwhelming news, spending quiet time in nature, or reaching out to a friend for support.

Susan: Beautiful. For those tuning in, check out susanstiffelman.com for details about our upcoming class. Even if you can’t attend live, you’ll get the replay—and soon, our classes will be available as private podcasts you can listen to on the go.

Judith: I’m so excited about this class and our time together.

Susan: Likewise! Judith has been a dear friend for many years. For those listening—thank you for joining us. If you or someone you know would benefit but can’t afford it, we always offer scholarships. Reach out to support@susanstiffelman.com
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Lots of love to you, Judith, and to everyone listening.

I love not only the conversation with Judith but also the feeling behind it. Both of us know from the inside out what it is to be a highly sensitive, empathic child—the longing to be better understood and the hope that parents can help their own sensitive kids feel proud of their superpower rather than ashamed of it.

Check out the class for more, and visit susanstiffelman.com for additional resources and offerings.

No matter how busy life gets, look for those moments of sweetness and joy. Stay well and take care. See you next time.